So I found this beginning of a story lost in the archives of my old blog, and was delighted. I think I'm going to try to finish it, read what I have so far if you like and tell me what you think!

Thanks!

September 27th
You don't realize how alone you are until you say goodbye.

October 20th

It's been twenty three days since you died. With each day that passes, things get a little better, but every now and then I find myself slipping. Like yesterday.

I went by Sutton's and ordered a peanut butter shake. I went to grab two straws before I remembered and my hand dropped to my side. The shake didn't taste the same. I ended up throwing it away as I kept walking down Franklin Street. I know you would say it was a waste.

I sat on the Caldwell Monument and watched people pass by until it was dark and fireflies started blinking. I caught one and made a wish before it flew off into the night. You know I still make silly wishes.

I have a Spanish test tomorrow that I haven't studied for, nor given much thought to. Everyone was real nice giving me a break for a while, but I think my time's up and the sympathy is wearing off. Senora Poston will fry my ass if I don't start paying attention in class, much less start speaking in Spanish again. So it wasn't any surprise that there was a voicemail on the phone from my advisor. He wants to see me at 11 tomorrow, to "discuss my career plans," which is really just bs for telling me to shape up.

Nobody understands what it's like. They all smile sadly, pat my arm, and tell me that everyone suffers loss, but there has never been a loss quite like you...how do you go on after losing half of yourself? It feels like I've lost a part of my soul and I can't get it back. And no one will ever understand.

October 22
So I went to my advisor meeting yesterday. It went sorta like this:

Advisor: How are you doing today, Jamie?
Me: (mumbles) Fine.
A: (grimaces and then picks up my file from his desk) Well, I wanted to discuss with you your career plans. Have you given any thought to what you would like to do with your major after college? You're a geology major?
M: Last time I checked I was.
A: Uh, yes, well, what do you want to do, Jamie?

M: I wanted to study rocks and be a vocanologist, but now I dunno anymore. I thought I had till the spring to figure out all this out.
A: Yes...but Jamie, I'm worried about your performance... (there it was, that pause.)

M: ?
A: I've gotten reports from your professors--your grades have slipped considerably since the beginning of the school year. Since the beginning of September, to be specific.

M: (I shrug and say nothing)
A: Now if you're having trouble with the subject, you know you can go to tutoring...
M: I know it just fine.
A: Jamie...I know things have been...difficult since your tragedy--

M: You don't know anything.

A: I know that if you don't improve, you'll lose your scholarship...and quite possibly flunk the semester. I've seen too many good students who had to leave the university because of troubles, but I don't want you to be one of them. You're a good kid, Jamie. You deserve something solid right now, and staying at UNC is the best thing you can do for yourself.

M: (as I gather my stuff) Is that all?

A: (looking baffled) I guess it is...

I leave before the guy can say anything else. I didn't think that the budget cut at UNC was so bad they employed shrinks to tell us what classes to take, too.