i think i've been sufficiently numbed to disappointment. sad to say, but it happens, you know?

life has been a series of disappointments for me lately, one thing after another. it's been running like that since december. and now i just sit and take it.

in the beginning i cried a lot. and i protested it, every little change and thing i didn't like. but that doesn't get you anywhere, so i realized. i've since stopped that method and gone on to the silent acceptance that life will continue having its way with me and there's nothing i can do about it. i cry occasionally when things become too much. i think i've cried twice in the past 2 weeks, sort of related to the same thing. before then it was about something else. and i know that there is probably more to come as the semester goes on...

i feel like i'm just letting go to different parts of my life. so as it should be?

i can't do anything with brian right now, time will only tell with that. and i'm ruining matt's life just trying to be his friend, interfering in all his business just because i think i can be that age once again and do everything over. i realize now how much i would have done differently in the past 3 years. i just need to let him be him and have his fun and figure out what he wants and stop trying to insert myself somewhere in there. i guess if that means just not talking to him anymore and not being friends then that's what will have to happen.

i hate life right now.