choosing to fight battles

(Note: 8/18/07) A long ago conversation between a female friend & I. I recently uncovered this in my archives.

I'm very heartsick over this whole "Matt has a girlfriend" thing. I thought I was in a lot of pain after Brian broke up with me last year, but this is twice as bad. It's like a friendship and a "relationship" break-up at the same time. Matt seriously broke my heart, and I feel lost because now I don't know where to go from here. I know if I stay I just end up hurting myself more as time goes on and she replaces me as the best friend. He said it would be a long time before that was even a possibility, but I guess a long time wasn't that long after all. And the crazy thing about it is, he's not even happy with the fact that he's in a relationship. He says that it's like he knows she's not the one, but yet he likes her well enough to go out with her. I don't understand his logic well enough...he's wanted a relationship pretty much since the moment Christy broke up with him, went through all that crap with those girls, and now that he has what he's wanted, he's not even excited about it. :-/ I know I need to get out now while I still have some part of me intact (although I don't know what that is). That's the only way I'm going to avoid the pain and agony that's bound to ensue. I'm really upset and crying over the fact that I lost someone I really care about, someone I really love, to someone who he isn't excited about and probably won't appreciate him the way I do. But I realize you can't make people love you, or feel however you want them to. I can't guarantee that he will ever feel that way, even if I were to leave and he could realize what I mean to him. (If anything important at all.) I am also upset with the fact that he passed up something that could have been really awesome, simply because he just didn't feel that way. I don't even know if he could try. But it makes me so sad, all around.

The whole thing reminds me of a song that says "You can lead a heart to love, but you can't make it fall." The fact of the matter is that it takes two people, equally dedicated, to make a relationship work. No matter how hard you try, if he isn't willing to love as hard as you do, it won't work and you are one who ends up hurt. As for this girl, don't worry about her replacing you. She may consume his time and attention, but it is the same thing we talked about with trying to replace Matt. When someone leaves an impression on you, no one will ever fill that role precisely. I don't know how or what Matt feels right now, but I know he has cared about you in the past. I remember the times when Britt was crazy about him but he used to blow her off for you. That is just his style. It hurts like hell now when you are on the other end, but you should never take it as a personal reflection of the type of person you are. The only thing you are guilty of is loving the wrong person and not realizing it until you were in too deep. We all do it at some point. This whole thing just proves that the only way you are going to protect yourself from the pain he inflicts is to push him away. The less you know about his escapades, the better off you are. I guess in some cases it is true, ignorance IS bliss. The pain of a broken heart is the worst pain humans are capable of experiencing, but at the same time, I have learned to be thankful for that pain because at least is proves that we CAN feel. You know how much love to give, and you know you can make someone happy. It hurts like hell because it isn't the person you want it to be, but that is like trying to make a shoe fit that is 3 sizes too small just because you love the way they look. God has a person for you, and it is tough to accept, but it may not be Matt. You have learned a lot of valuable lessons from him that you can be thankful for, and once you see what they are, the pain will heal. You will find someone who appreciates you, and I would be willing to be money, it will be when you least expect it.

Do you think with all of that going on I should try to maintain the friendship and not ask for details, or just give it up because it would be too much? Things make it hard to figure out what would be a better option.
I'm not one to advocate backing down from a challenge, but sometimes we all have to admit defeat. Cut your losses and move on...you are strong enough.
Yeah, I don't think this is a battle I want to fight 'cause I know I won't make any victories in it. I probably won't tell him I'm doing it this time, because then that just gives him the chance to try and convince me I'm wrong for doing it, and I can't take any more of that emotional bungeeing. I know that I can probably deal with this, but I don't know where I'm going to get the strength from, that really sucks. And I hate to try and 'borrow" it from you guys, cause you all have things you have to worry about yourselves.
And by the way, don't let me ever hear you feel guilty again for "borrowing strength" from your friends. That is what they are for. People are not solitary creatures. We are not meant to silently suffer by ourselves. If we cannot lean on each other, we are doomed to fall. If there is not a hand to pick us up, we are destined to lie there.