a little bit

i'm not sure how much
i trust myself to make smart decisions
anymore.
i feel like my judgment has been cut off,
my eyes clouded
by my feelings for you.
i'm confused by everything too easily these days
wondering which way is up or down;
i don't want to sink and drown.
i have lost faith in the fact i could
at one point
stick up for myself.
i don't know what happened there.
it feels like everytime i try
to make my point to you,
you're always convincing me to stay.
if you needed me in your life like you say you do
i don't think i can feel it.
i didn't think our being friends
would be that much of an issue,
because it's not for me.
but i remember we've always
cared about different things.
it's hard to see myself without you
because we've been friends for so long
but it's hard to see myself with you,
because lingering in between two worlds
won't last forever.
nor does it keep us happy.
maybe only in my imagination
would we ever want the same thing,
each other.
part of me knows i'm not ready
to say goodbye.
but the other part knows it's about time.
i hope i'm ready
i hope i can
i hope you'd care just a little bit.