i'm going to become a social hermit. that's about the only way i figure i can get through things without having to deal with people and all the pain it brings...

i thought i wanted to stay in chapel hill as long as i could, but now all i think i want to do is to get the hell out of here. i would really like to get out of the country, go to england, and start over. i could be happy in a different country that i love, and not have to worry about all the stuff that's been bothering me. yeah, i realize there would be a whole new set of worries involved with living in england, but at least i wouldn't have to be bombarded by everything that upsets me here in chapel hill and nc.

so many things have been weighing me down. too many things that i've kept inside, things that quite possibly could never be shared because i don't think they could be known.

it sucks because i am perpetually heartbroken. it's like a wound that's trying to heal but everytime it gets a scab, you aggravate it and it's renewed in its pain. (or someone else aggravates it.) that cycle continues, with this wound still present, and nothing you do can help it, even if you try leaving it alone, you just get impatient with it sometimes. those kind of wounds end up leaving permanent scars, impossible to erase.