oh beautiful

i'm sorry i couldn't tell you soon enough
that i was walking away,
saying goodbye, wiping away the tears
of this thing gone wrong.
i wish you could have known how i felt,
how i really felt...
the words i say are full of love and warmth--
they clash with empty space in time.
i hope you know that all i ever wanted
for you was happiness
at the sake of my own, i didn't care too much...
perhaps one day your smile would really be for me
rather than through me.
i idly waited for a free moment in your life
when you weren't distracted
or complicated,
hoping that your mistakes would show you
who really cared, who would always be there.
i can't compete with whatever else is out there.
nor can i spend much more time wondering
when the next time will be
that you might hurt my feelings, break my heart, make me cry...
you cause me so many sleepless nights
through pain and dreams unfinished, waking up in a sweat,
thinking the end had really come to find me.
i can't bear this memory anymore.
nor can i live to tell the tale
to someone to give me empty advice,
while not really knowing what is really going on;
how our friendship became so intertwined and almost frightening at times--
beautiful and delicate all the same.
you are the last person i would want to hurt in this world;
beautiful soul, my friend, my better half, my partner in crime,
my listening ear, everything you are to me...please don't cry.