Listen up

I read today that while most people consider themselves good listeners and pride themselves on this, the truth is that we aren't really listening most of the time. Instead, we are hearing what the other person is saying, but really just looking for a way to turn the conversation back to ourselves. Even if it is an innocuous as saying "Well, I can empathize with your situation, because I've been there before, and this is how I felt," it still defeats the purpose of really listening to what your friend, family member, etc. is trying to tell you. Relating their personal issue to something that happened to you, even if you meant it in the best of sympathetic attention, trivializes whatever they are struggling with. People who come to you wanting to talk about what's bothering them just want you to listen, not judging, and care about what's going on. Advice comes later, if they should ask for it. I think a lot of times we jump into a overly-helpful phase where we try to give as much attention to what's happening, but doing that much isn't necessary on all occasions. Just listening and being there is good enough.

I know sometimes I'm guilty of trying to use my past experiences to help people out in current situations, but I really try to just listen and tell the person that I'm there for them as a kind ear or whatever they might need. It really helps, believe me.

So what do you think? Would you consider yourself a good listener? How about an active or passive one? I'm interested in hearing what you have to say. :o)