Whenever I'm in the midst of having to make a bunch of potentially life-changing decisions, all I want to do is panic about the possible outcomes, probably just like a lot of other people would. If there's anything that the last few years have taught me, it's that I'm not as strong as I think I am--or as people see me as. But I always want to try and be strong for the people that need me; for my friends. I don't want to let them down in a crisis. It's just at the end of the day, sometimes all I can do is go home and cry to myself over the pain that has been confided in me. And I pray and wonder when things will start getting better for them. If that makes me weak, then I'd hate to think that love and compassion are weaknesses.

On a separate note, if I didn't message or call occasionally to see how you were doing, what would happen then? Perhaps you wouldn't notice, or even care.

I think I did this a long time ago, but it's nice to bring it out again--it's fun to see the responses.

Your Life Soundtrack
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. When you're finished, repost so other people can do it!


Opening Credits: "You're My Better Half" - Keith Urban

Waking Up: "Speed of Sound" - Coldplay

Falling in Love: "Africa Bamba" - Santana

Fight Song: "With or Without You" - U2

Breaking Up: "What If You" - Joshua Radin

Prom: "Raining on Sunday" - Keith Urban

Life: "I'll Stand By You" - Carrie Underwood

Mental Breakdown: "Won't Back Down" - Mat Kearney

Driving: "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" - Nine Days

Flashback: "One Thing" - Finger Eleven

Wedding: "She Thinks She Needs Me" - Andy Griggs

Birth of a Child: "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" - Michael Buble

Final Battle: "Back To You" - John Mayer

Death Scene: "Once Upon a Dream" - Jekyll & Hyde OBCR

Funeral Song: "Thank You" - Dido

End Credit: "Staple it Together" - Jack Johnson

Listen up

I read today that while most people consider themselves good listeners and pride themselves on this, the truth is that we aren't really listening most of the time. Instead, we are hearing what the other person is saying, but really just looking for a way to turn the conversation back to ourselves. Even if it is an innocuous as saying "Well, I can empathize with your situation, because I've been there before, and this is how I felt," it still defeats the purpose of really listening to what your friend, family member, etc. is trying to tell you. Relating their personal issue to something that happened to you, even if you meant it in the best of sympathetic attention, trivializes whatever they are struggling with. People who come to you wanting to talk about what's bothering them just want you to listen, not judging, and care about what's going on. Advice comes later, if they should ask for it. I think a lot of times we jump into a overly-helpful phase where we try to give as much attention to what's happening, but doing that much isn't necessary on all occasions. Just listening and being there is good enough.

I know sometimes I'm guilty of trying to use my past experiences to help people out in current situations, but I really try to just listen and tell the person that I'm there for them as a kind ear or whatever they might need. It really helps, believe me.

So what do you think? Would you consider yourself a good listener? How about an active or passive one? I'm interested in hearing what you have to say. :o)

The new song of the moment is the painfully sad, but beautiful "Last Request" by Paolo Nutini, a 20-year-old Scottish singer/songwriter. Imagine the feeling of knowing that your relationship is almost over, but you want that one last night of closeness before the end. And that is the emotion behind "Last Request." I hope you like it.

Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true." -- Demosthenes

This came from a book I just finished reading, The Tenth Circle, by Jodi Picoult. The premise of the quote is that the main character's father has trouble conveying his true emotions, as well as recognizing the truth in what happens around him. Instead, he escapes from that reality in his comic book drawings, preferring instead to let out his frustrations in storyboard design. I highly recommend the book, Jodi Picoult has a very distinct and easy-reading writing style that enables her to tackle hard-hitting issues and make them strike at the heart of the reader.

But this quote serves other purposes, however. I bet many people can attest to, at one point or another, engaging in self-deception, no matter what the cause of it. We tell ourselves that things are different than how we see them; that we're different than how we are or people see us, because we don't want to hear nor acknowledge the truth.

It is said that the truth can set you free, but at the same time, it is painful to know it. With that kind of contradiction, what seems to be the best option? In the case of most people I know and trust, honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. It sure beats having someone find out about the omitted bits of the story later...

(And the "tenth circle" that the book refers to is referring Dante's Divine Comedy and its nine levels of hell. This little-known level is merely the creation of Picoult's characters' minds, but I believe it really could exist, even if Dante didn't mention it himself. The tenth level is reserved for those who practice self-deception, like Demosthenes has described in my earlier quote.)

This blog of mine has become quite the conglomeration of random things lately...much like my random thought process operates...and I want to bring back some of the things that I liked about writing in this...like poetry/prose. I was in quite the poetry-writing mood/mode all this past week, so I got a few things at least that I could consider "good enough" to share with you all. (I only say "good enough" since I know everyone has their own interpretation of what "good" poetry is.)


Inner Cogs

It used to bother me
that I couldn't figure you out;
even as my best friend,
I never knew what made you tick.

I thought I could read people,
see through to the heart
of the darkest despairing souls
and pull forth the good.
Even you had refused to see.

You made me question my ability
as myself, your friend
for being who I am,
every day I question myself,
thinking I'm not yet complete.

And no matter what I do
I still can't grasp your approval.
Although you'd tell me
I didn't need it anyway.

Did you ever have one of those days where it felt like the world decided to make you the butt of the joke? And all you want to do is fast-forward through all the unpleasant parts or wake up, realizing it was all a dream...

audio sunshine

I went ahead and changed the song of the moment again, I realized I had already used the Rascal Flatts (cough). This was a free download on ITunes awhile back, "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles. I love how upbeat it is, and the lyrics are pretty awesome, too. Check it out for a little sunshine in your day!

I put up a new song of the moment, finally found a way to get the new Rascal Flatts' song "Take Me There" on this blog, yay! :-p Warning: if you don't like country music, you have been alerted otherwise.

Also a new widget from ITunes letting people know what you're listening to & what's in your library currently...now people can see how crazy eclectic my music taste really is.

I watched Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil last night, starring John Cusack and Kevin Spacey, because I was looking something else up on IMDB.com and was intrigued. My parents own the movie, and they hadn't even opened it yet...it's a good movie, but very weird at times. Kevin Spacey does a great job portraying the eccentricities of Jim Williams, who was a real-life person in Savannah, Georgia. The other characters, including Cusack's John Kelso reporter role, were equally as interesting (and weird). :-p And it was fun to see a younger Michael Rosenbaum portraying a Southern character for a change, a far cry from his severe turn as LexLuthor on Smallville. I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it already. (And it's based on the novel of the same name, so an added bonus there!)

The thing I like about IMDB is that you can find so much information you never realized existed...of course, it's a place you can end up wasting a lot of time if you're not careful. But I was poking around on the site last night, and through a "six degrees of separation" I got to the page for the next Batman movie, to be released next year in July. This is the first Batman movie in all of the films to not have the word "Batman" in the title; the movie is called The Dark Knight. Christian Bale (yum) is returning as Batman, and so are Michael Caine (Alfred) and Gary Oldman (Lt. Gordon). Thankfully, Katie Holmes won't be playing Rachel Dawes in this movie...I didn't really like how she handled that role in Batman Begins, so I'm glad that this time, Maggie Gyllenhaal will get to try it out. Hopefully she will do a more admirable job! Harvey Dent will make an appearance in this movie, played by Aaron Eckhart...this should be interesting...and even more interesting is Heath Ledger playing the Joker. I watched a teaser trailer last night, and hearing Joker's maniacal laugh was enough to give me chills. It just upsets me that people are already making comparisons between how Ledger will portray the Joker versus Jack Nicholson's version...I don't believe comparisons should be drawn...for the intent of releasing Batman Begins and subsequent movies was to have a fresh start to the Batman lore...and in no way relating to the past movies.

You can check out the teaser trailer here.